Monday, September 11, 2017

Dear Cash Ryan,

Let me start by saying I love you. I really do. I love you so much.

You challenge me daily. You challenge my patience. You challenge my thoughts. You challenge my words. You challenge me as a mom. But more importantly, you have found a way to challenge me as a person.

Just when I think I have you figured out... NOPE. Just when I think we have your temper under control, you throw another fit. Just when I think we have this respect thing figured out, you go off and back talk. Just when I think we have your ability to lose without getting completely mad, you cry and stay mad for an hour after your game.

The truth is buddy, I don't have you figured out. I don't know how to parent you sometimes.

I see my flaws in you. I see my temper and stubbornness and hatred for losing in you. I see my difficulty forgiving and saying I'm sorry in you.

I also see a compassionate soul in you. I see a love for people to be treated fairly in you. I see a boy who desires to be the best and is willing to do just about anything to be just that. I see a boy who is friendly and loving and kind. I see a boy who is willing to help people who need it and who thinks he has to protect his sister.

The truth is, Cash... your flaws and difficulties and challenges are a blessing to me. They cause me to draw closer to Jesus because I want to be the best mom to you I can be. And I realize I can't do that on my own. I need Jesus. I need help. I need guidance.

So in a weird way, I say thank you for your flaws. Thank you for being you. Thank you helping me grow into a better me.

Love, Mom