Sunday, November 21, 2010

Terrible, Awful, No good, Very bad day...

Well, maybe I am exaggerating a bit. But it really was quite a rough day.

Today I stopped pumping. Not by choice. I just couldn't keep up with my little man and my body just wasn't in the mood to make anymore milk I guess. I sat and pump for over 20 minutes and only pumped about 2 ounces total. Boo.

I know it is not the end of the world, but I really was upset by this. I wanted to be able to give Cash what he needed and provide milk for him for a much longer time. With trying to pump in the morning before school (around 5:00 a.m.) around lunch (which gets harder and harder as the semester goes on because of my classes and frequent group meetings) and when I get home (around 6:00) I was just not getting to pump as often as I needed. The easy thing to do is to blame it on the fact that I "just didn't have enough time" to pump like I needed to, but the truth is I feel like a failure. I feel lousy and lazy. I feel selfish. I feel... well I feel about 20 different emotions.

I knew this day was coming. I haven't been able to make as much as I would like for about a month now, but I was just not willing to face the inevitable. I came to terms with it, shed some tears, had a pity party for 1, and decided to move on. There are far too many things that are happening in our lives to dwell on this. I put it in perspective and realized that this is by far not the worst thing in the world. So... I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it. This doesn't mean that I still don't get a little upset when I have to make Cash a formula bottle or when I think back to our late night/early morning feedings I don't get sad. It just means that this is a step that we have grown out of and it is time to move on.

I hope it's as easily done as said.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Family photos...

About a month ago we had an awesome photographer (Aubrey Marie) take some family pics of my entire family. I can't remember a time when my dad, mom, brother, and me took a picture together professionally. She did a great job!
Without further adieu:



Of course baby Cash gets his very own photo shoot...

Contrary to what you see in the pictures, I feel the need to clear up a few things:

1. Cash really is a happy baby. I know he doesn't seem like it in the photos, but all the kid does is smile.

2. He is growing hair...slowly. He looks bald in a few of the pictures but he is trying and is still proudly rocking the scullet.

3. I told you guys he wants to eat anything! His hands especially. Also, as shown above, he is still making bubbles like a champ.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Remember how I told you...

Remember when I told you that Cash thinks Noah is the funniest person ever... here is proof.

3 month catch up...

Cash is 3 months. Well, technically he has been 3 months for about 3 weeks now. Oh well.

New things that he is doing:

Weight: chubby (We go back to the doctor in 2 weeks so we will have an official number then)

Height: longish
He pretty much holds his own head up all the time, except when he is being lazy and wants someone to hold it for him

He has found his feet and hands and is trying everything he can to get those feet in his mouth, but a small mound of chub over his midsection is preventing this from happening

He is laughing and smiling more than ever. Again, he thinks Noah is the greatest and funniest thing to ever live.

He is wearing 3-6 month clothes and some 6-9 months (geez...)

He hangs out in an exersaucer and his bumbo during the day

My mom (Nonni) got him these rice sticks that he can suck on and you would have thought she put gold in his mouth. He loves them but just can't figure out how to hold on to them yet.

He grabs and reaches for a bunch of things now ( most annoyingly is my hair. Noah thinks its funny though, so I guess as long as someone is laughing)

Still not much hair yet, although he proudly rocks the scullet in the back (if I remember I will post a pic of his old man hair-do)

Absolutely loves anything that is on tv, especially football (but he doesn't have much of a choice in this house)
He can roll from his back to his belly whenever he wants, even in the middle of the night. This is a really annoying phase because he starts on his back and then winds up on his stomach and then realize how much he doesn't want to be there and then he cries. But I think this phase is winding down because he has slept through the night for the last few nights.

Here are a few pics of his 3rd month on Earth

Please note the sock grabbing the picture... trying to eat those feet I tell 'ya.

He is just helping me cook, let's face it... I need all the help I can get.
Please pay more attention to the cute butterball of joy in the center of your picture and not as much to the raggidy looking lady to the left (with the bearclaw slippers :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dear baby,

Tonight we danced.

I held you in my arms and we danced throughout the entire house.

We danced to George Strait, Pat Green, Colbie Caillait, and Stevie Nicks.

I loved every minute of it.

Let's do this more often.

Love,

Mom

Monday, November 8, 2010

Halloween...

Let's just say that Halloween was a bit of a bust. I had this amazing vision in my head of how the day would play out. It went something like this...
  • Get Cash in his costume and he would love it!-False, he didn't love it.

  • Take Cash trick or treating to a few houses and he would flash everyone his adorable smile and enjoy getting lots of candy- Again, false! He flashed everyone his grumpy face and eventual crying face, which in turn, forced me to take his little behind home.

  • When we did get home, Cash would be so excited to hand out candy with his mommy- Yet again, false! He could care less and much preferred to lay naked in the middle of the floor.

Ummm... maybe next year!


Here is my little chili pepper trying to eat his costume...of course

Mommy and Cash before the crying face started
And when all else fails and decided he didn't want to be a chili pepper anymore, we changed into our back up costume...
A streaker!