"The Last Lecture"...

I was browsing through and deleting some old assignments from my previous semesters in school and came across 1 particular assignment. The assignment was to write what would be considered a "last letter" to people in your life if you knew you were going to die. Morbidly sick, I know. But, I came across this letter that I wrote to Cash and I cried reading it now just as I did when I wrote it. I debated as to whether I wanted to post this or not because it felt somewhat private. But, my son will read this blog when he is older and I want him to be able to read and know all the things I think about him. So... here it goes.

Cash. My gift. My precious sweet gift. It is the hardest thing in the world for me to know you will grow and move on in this life without me. I want so badly to be there when you have your first hit in tee-ball. Or your first date. Or when you get married. It breaks my heart to know that I will not be there by your side through any of that. Nevertheless, know this. I will be with you as long as you remember me. I will watch over you. I firmly believe that angels exist. And you were my angel for 9 months. Now, it is time that I be your angel. I am privileged that I could be you mama for the 9 short months that we were together.

I will miss your smile and your gapped baby teeth. I will miss our nightly dances in the living room when there is no one else around and it seems that we are the only one's left in this world and we are clinging to each other with all that we have. I will miss watching and listening to you sleep. I will miss your cry. You made and make me so happy. You are my sunshine. You are my peace. You are my pride and joy. You are my son.

Even though I won't be here for it, life will go on for you and it will go on well. Listen to your father. He knows what is best for you. Respect him and stand by him. Use good judgment and your heart when making decisions and always say your prayers at night. Say yes ma’am and no sir. Read the Bible and follow God’s word and you will always end up in the right direction. I love you more than you will ever know and will miss you.

Love,

Mom