Here it goes...

Alright, I have debated about whether to write this post or just let it be. I have had some very dear friends of mine ask me about breastfeeding and my thoughts on it. So here it goes...

I did not really enjoy breastfeeding. Whew! There, I said it. And I have struggled with the idea that breastfeeding wasn't something that I looked forward to everyday. I thought that made me a bad mother. That maybe somehow, in some strange way, I wasn't being the best mom to Cash that I was supposed to be. I didn't like how sore I would get. I didn't like feeling like I was a constant feeding machine. I didn't like having to breastfeed and then pump for another 30 minutes just to turn around and breastfeed again in an hour and a half. I felt constrained and confined at times. I am not one of those mothers that can breastfeed in public or in front of people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, that is just not me. So I found it hard to enjoy going places knowing that I would have to go to the bathroom or car or another room to feed my baby.

Cash was a great feeder too. He made it really easy. He latched on right away and had no problems transitioning from breast to breast. My milk came in right on time and at no point was I ever engorged. So, really I had every opportunity to enjoy breastfeeding. It isn't that I didn't enjoy my time with Cash when it was just me and him. I did. Seeing those little eyes look up at me and feeling his tiny fingers brush against my skin in the early morning was truly magical. But that overall breastfeeding process just wasn't my cup of tea.

I have finally come to terms that this doesn't make me a bad mother. Finally. My son is healthy, happy, and still very much so chubby and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Maybe I didn't like breastfeeding because I was only able to strictly breastfeed for 2 weeks before substituting bottles in at every other feeding because I had to be back at school 3 weeks after he was born. Maybe it was because I had to pump in a locked copy room at school over lunch while eating and studying, praying that no one would open the door. Cash still got breastmilk in his bottles, he just wasn't feeding directly from me. And is that really all that terrible. Maybe it was because I saw the joy it brought Noah to finally be able to bond with Cash over a feeding because he was able to give him a bottle.

Whatever the reason, I am just not the breastfeeding type I guess. And that is okay. I will let people say what they say and think what they think. Because at the end of the day, my son is happy. I am happy. Noah is happy. I did what I could in my cirumstances and in my opinion, it worked out just fine. I have had conversations with people that came across and mortified that I didn't enjoy breastfeeding and it really bothered me at the time. But my mama skin is growing ever so thick and I can take whatever people have to say.

So there. That is what I thought about breastfeeding.

Erin