My very first Mother's Day...

That is the first and only time I will ever get to make that comment. My very first Mother's Day! How surreal. Weird even. I still find it odd that I am, indeed, a mommy and I am a mommy to a terrific little nugget that is the sweetest little boy that loves to play outside with the garden hose.
Ya know, people tell you before you have a child how much your life will change and how you will experience a love you never though possible and yadda yadda yadda. "I know, I know", you mumble and wonder how these people can think that I, the future mother-t0-be that is carrying this beach ball in my stomach so low that I feel at moment he could just pop right out in the middle of the grocery store, doesn't know how much I will love it? Get real people!

But... I hate to say it! I mean I really hate to say it. I hate to admit when I am wrong, I mean I do it sometimes but I try to avoid it when possible, but I will admit it this time. I. Was. Wrong.

I never knew that my heart could hurt so much for a little baby that I had met no more than 30 seconds earlier because he had to be taken the NICU because he was having some respiratory problems. I never knew that I would get so irritated and upset and impatient at a tiny baby because all I wanted it to do was sleep and all they wanted was for my to hold them and snuggle them. I mean, how sad is that? I never knew how fast my heart could drop in my chest when my precious mobile baby falls face first on the tile and busts his lip and is bleeding on my shoulder. And all I can do is hold him and love him and tell him, "It's okay, Cash" when deep down I want to freak out and cry with him.

Mommy hood changes you, there is no disputing that. It changes you in ways you cannot possibly imagine. Every morning is like Christmas morning in our house with Noah and me. We sit in bed, waiting patiently for Cash to make a noise so that we can run in there and grab him and bring him in bed with us! He is our Christmas morning present. He is what we keep one eye cracked open for in the early parts of the morning because we cannot wait to see what he will do next or babble next.

I waited with patient anticipation for my present to be here. I waited for 9 months on the day. And now he is here. And now I am his mommy. And now my life is a whirlwind of laughter, love, trials, and overwhelming pride. You can't beat that.

Love,
E