Terrible, Awful, No good, Very bad day...

Well, maybe I am exaggerating a bit. But it really was quite a rough day.

Today I stopped pumping. Not by choice. I just couldn't keep up with my little man and my body just wasn't in the mood to make anymore milk I guess. I sat and pump for over 20 minutes and only pumped about 2 ounces total. Boo.

I know it is not the end of the world, but I really was upset by this. I wanted to be able to give Cash what he needed and provide milk for him for a much longer time. With trying to pump in the morning before school (around 5:00 a.m.) around lunch (which gets harder and harder as the semester goes on because of my classes and frequent group meetings) and when I get home (around 6:00) I was just not getting to pump as often as I needed. The easy thing to do is to blame it on the fact that I "just didn't have enough time" to pump like I needed to, but the truth is I feel like a failure. I feel lousy and lazy. I feel selfish. I feel... well I feel about 20 different emotions.

I knew this day was coming. I haven't been able to make as much as I would like for about a month now, but I was just not willing to face the inevitable. I came to terms with it, shed some tears, had a pity party for 1, and decided to move on. There are far too many things that are happening in our lives to dwell on this. I put it in perspective and realized that this is by far not the worst thing in the world. So... I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it. This doesn't mean that I still don't get a little upset when I have to make Cash a formula bottle or when I think back to our late night/early morning feedings I don't get sad. It just means that this is a step that we have grown out of and it is time to move on.

I hope it's as easily done as said.